My Husband is like another child
Children can be very sweet creatures; from the cute smiles to the innocent tears, the helpless looks, and the occasional outbursts. On the flip side, they (children) – because of their relative inexperience – can do a lot of silly things. We often let these slide on the account of their immaturity. Of course, they still need more time to fully grasp the environment around them. But what happens when an adult behaves in the same way? How does it feel to watch a grown person act like a toddler? Sure, the conventional response would be that of irritation.
This resulting irritation is what many wives experience with their husbands on a daily basis. It happens – quite surprisingly on many occasions – to see husbands with the emotional intelligence of little kids, the husband is like another child. However difficult this may seem, it is left to the wives to manage to make the best out of the situations and the men in question
Dealing with an emotionally immature Husband
Having an “Emotional immature husband” can be a very hard nut to crack and most times it can be frustrating. You need to have a higher level of maturity and understanding to be able to model him to a man society thinks he is. For this reason, people have a lot of issues concerning handling homes with emotionally immature husbands.
What does it mean to be emotionally immature?
Society defines an emotional immature being as one who does not understand how to take responsibility for their actions; they rarely process the consequences of their decisions and act solely on emotions, careless desires or goals. In simpler terms, emotionally unstable people lack the ability to relate properly with other adults, to gauge their actions and the consequences and to express themselves.
What are the signs of an emotionally Immature Husband?
1. Irresponsible way of spending
Men are generally believed to be impulsive with spending (at least compared to women, they are). However, immaturity is like a catalyst that amplifies this natural tendency for unplanned spending. An immature husband spends a lot on expensive and needless materials. More often than not, he does not know when to stop and calculate the money spent, at the expense of family finances.
2. Petty insults
An emotionally immature husband has lots of anger issues. He often cannot handle disagreements and most times he does not care not about consensus. He is often loose when triggered; he often lacks the intuition to gauge his words and the consequences of his action. He hauls insults and makes use of wrong words whenever he is frustrated and has a hard time accomplishing things.
3. Poor listening skills
An immature husband doesn’t have the necessary listening skill required to make a relationship work. Consequently, he lacks the emotional capability to feel empathy; he most times is obsessed with his own self-image and ego. He sometimes becomes preoccupied with his own personal ideas. He is oblivious to the feelings and the experiences of his wife (sometimes unintentionally)
4. Lack of support
The state of things today has defied the stereotype that men all shoulder the responsibility of their families. The family is in actuality sustained by the combined effort of the husband and the wife. However, this balance is tilted with an immature husband. An immature husband fails to support his wife, he concentrates on how to cover up his lapses, he is often self-centered; he creates a budget for himself and forgets to include family needs.
5. Insecurity and Jealousy
An immature doesn’t know how to handle his wife’s achievements. He oftentimes lives in delusional superiority. Emotionally unintelligent men are still deeply rooted in the idea that they should be above their wives in all aspects of human endeavor. He believes authority and decision-making in marriage is one-sided. He also believes that his superiority is necessary to keep that delusional balance. This makes him sometimes suffer from paranoia. He feels threatened and intensely jealous when his wife makes a significant achievement.
An immature husband would never admit to doing wrong. When an emotionally immature husband makes decisions at the expense of his family or his wife, he has the toxic tendency to not feel remorse. In situations like that, he absolves himself of responsibility and pushes the blame around. He would refuse to apologize to anyone and opt instead to use tricks (sometimes shenanigans) to call attention to himself.
An emotionally immature man may find it difficult to be sincere in his interactions. For instance, in conversations, he often attempts to cover matters that require introspection and collective reasoning. He uses tricks like laughing things off, changing subjects, or walking away. They sometimes postpone matters of importance; blame it on stress or mental breakdown (anything to avoid the discussion in context).
8. Commitment Issues
Due to his inability to communicate, and emotionally immature man may resort to extramarital affairs to satisfy his frustration. For instance, if such a man does not gain enough satisfaction during intercourse with his wife, instead of a healthy conversation, he resorts to finding solace outside. This most times results in to shift in emotional attachment. He becomes increasingly irritated by no specific thing and considers his alternatives better than his real family
9. Domestic Violence
At the pinnacle of it all, an emotionally immature man resorts to violence and abusive acts to express his feelings. Due to the fact that he lacks the ability to use properly express his emotions, particularly frustration and anger – he lets them out on other people. In very many cases, his wife and children often fall victim to his angry paroxysms and occasional outburst. He most times resorts to his fist or dangerous objects in the process of letting it all out.
What is the cause of emotional instability in men?
Men do not wake up and decide to be toxic and outright narcissistic, in most cases; these behaviors are induced by circumstances. After all, human beings are reflective of their previous experiences and their immediate societal conditioning. You hear the woman chanting it My Husband is like another Child. Here are some of the most frequent causes of emotional instability in men;
Sometimes, the contrast between his reality and the societal expectations of a man often makes him nervous and overthink. The consequence of this is negativity; his psychology becomes wired to see nothing good about anything.
Depression leads to Emotional breakdown in most people, “Men” especially. When things fail to work according to plan or there is a little downstream in his business, work, or office, he sinks into depression and it affects his relationship with people (most adversely his family). He may resort to bickering and anger as response mechanisms.
Excessive use of alcohol and drugs can affect mental health and lead to significant changes in men. The accompanying emotional instability is often temporary in non-addicts. However, in addicts, it is a more complex network. Abuse of alcohol often arises from some of the other reasons highlighted above and therefore, is difficult to tackle.
Sexual abuse during childhood
With the world becoming increasingly liberal on gender stereotypes, more men have come out to discuss their experiences with sexual abuse as kids. These stories were erstwhile considered incredible and victims were forced into the walls of emotional instability. This plays out eventually if they end up in a marriage. They often act out the trauma they passed through when faced with a relationship challenge
Physical or mental health condition
Men may have had a traumatic experience when they were kids. The trauma in some cases is amplified when he has a physical or mental disability. He may have had difficulty sharing his plights and feelings with others. Tragically, most men become adapted to anger or numbness as the only emotional options.
This has been ingrained in the societal perception of men. They are expected to repress their emotions; to be as tough as rocks. This “hard guy image” is an incredibly flawed definition of masculinity. It is a major contributing factor to emotional instability in most men and it reflects a lot in their handling of the family and spouse interaction.
Pressure from Family and Friends
This contributory factor is very much related to societal stereotypes (and it is connected with other causes stated above). When men are under too much pressure from their family members or friends to meet up a certain standard, they often crack under that pressure and lose control of their emotions. In cultural settings, a man that is challenged with reproduction (or let’s say a sexually impotent man), becomes a target of immense pressure. The fact that the pressure comes mostly from his supposed support system further pushes him to lose his cool.
Dealing with an emotionally immature husband
The above-mentioned characteristics and causes look too overwhelming, don’t they? You know, it may even be more difficult when there is a cultural dimension to the whole problem. However, this doesn’t mean that the situation cannot be controlled. Here are some of the tips you could employ;
- Know the cause or reason behind their emotional instability, and then try to work on how to prevent its re-occurrence – The most logical course of action, when faced with any problem, is to identify the cause. When you do this, it is easier to prevent a re-occurrence and most importantly prevent your male children from passing through the same. For instance, if the cause of a man’s emotional immaturity is sexual abuse, could advocate against boy-child abuse to prevent more boys from growing up into toxic men.
- Also, you may need to work on the solution to their present dilemma – Men – as opposed to the societal stereotype – need as much emotional support as they can get. In situations where he is under pressure from people, you could be just the solace he needs.
- Choose the right communication skill – To prove a point to an emotionally immature man, you have to know the right action that catches his fancy. Remember, men will always remain men. There are certain things that he is always interested in discussing, this may be the crack in his ego that you can exploit. You should encourage him to express his feelings to you without being rude, forceful, or demeaning. Mind your words to avoid wrong interpretation on his side.
- Transparency – Try to let him know the level of love and affection you have towards him. Emotionally immature husbands are always overprotective and jealous. So let him know about the in and out of everything you are doing. Let him understand your actions, be always ready to play the utilitarian
- Put a limit to your expectations from him – In the course of trying to help your emotionally immature husband, try to place a limit on things you expect him to do. This way, you are one step ahead of him when he falls short of expectations. You could save yourself the emotional distress that comes with such moments and by implication save the situation. Remember not to let this evolve to disinterestedness; it causes more harm to both of you.
- Try to focus on his good and better qualities – No matter how narcissistic your husband may be, he definitely has some good qualities. Isn’t that why you were attracted to him in the first place? These things remind you that he can still be saved. It will save you emotional distress.
- Preventing a negative impact on your mental health and relieving yourself from stress should be a thing of importance to you. This will help you be prepared and ready to decide whenever he is emotionally down
- Avoid sinking to his own level of immaturity and when you get provoked by him create a mind of positivity. It is important to remember that you need a higher level of emotional maturity to successfully manage big situations. You must always be cautious of these, no matter how provoked you are
- Recognize their emotional immaturity then work on ways of getting their attention without hurting their ego. This may sound look like condescension from such husbands, but it is the fastest means of making them acknowledge the flaws in their reactions.
- Why don’t you try professional help? Peradventure you have tried all the available options to make your relationship work and they prove abortive, try employing the help of a professional. For instance, a marriage therapist or a social counselor may be in the best position to bail.
Breaking up with an emotionally immature man
In some very extreme cases (like violent abuse, sexual assaults, and the likes), staying in marriage may be too dangerous for your physical, mental, emotional, and social health. In these instances, the best course of action is to exit the relationship (breakup). To avoid complications while doing this, here are some tips you could use.
1. Trying to be honest and upfront about your breakup would probably cause more problems. So the best thing to do is to invite a trusted third party. For instance, both your parents. They will most likely see reasons with you and help you seal your decisions.
2. Is your marriage legal, take it to court – With enough evidence of abuse and extremities, filing and winning a lawsuit against him would most likely be easy. You can’t always tell, maybe he too would see this as the best course of action, maybe he would not. This option is available to individuals that legally sealed their marriage at customary courts.
3. Stand your ground, getting emotional won’t save a thing – It is important to understand that human nature is fickle. If you have employed all the above options and you still did not get a positive response, it is logical and safe to conclude that continuation would be dangerous. If peradventure you are about to get swayed by emotions and remorse, always remember the reason why you wanted out in the first place.
4. Make sure to resolve joint businesses, joint accounts, and joint assets. This has kept many women in toxic relationships. The earlier you take active steps to define your ownership, the easier the breakup is for you. As an extra tip, legal backings would make things easier because such husbands would not easily let go.
5. Take steps to establish your independence – If you indeed intend to break free, make active preparations towards a sustainable life for yourself and your children (if you have any). This is the greatest indicator that any man needs.
Can emotionally immature husbands change over time? Without much thinking, the answer to this question is yes, they can. But it’s important to remember that just because he can doesn’t mean he will. So you have to take precautions and make tactical moves to change him and make him who society thinks him to be, that is, a being in his right state of mind. What do you do if all your efforts prove abortive? Do not hesitate to opt out of such relationships.