“Patience” is one of the most common problems among mothers.
I went to the restroom for just 2 minutes and when I returned, my 2-years-old welcomed me with a bunch of tissue papers thrown all around the room.
OMG! What can I do now? Give her a pat on her back on what she just did? or scold her?
There are so many incidents that happen in every moment of a mom’s life and all of you (mothers) must be wondering that how to become a more patient mom. What to do in such situations? How to stay calm and how to train these little monsters?
There are no creatures on the earth who are 100% calm and patient, maybe on Mars, you could find one. But here, we are humans and we make mistakes, we lose our tempers, we become impatient, and we throw tantrums.
This article is going to help you become a much more patient mom, not a 100% cool and calm robot.
First of all, Why becoming a more patient mom is important?
Because Your children are desperately wanting a patient mother. This is one of the most important things they need. They are still new to the world, they are given so much energy to consume but absolutely no task is assigned.
They want you to help them to understand the world and provide them with activities to consume their energy.
Well, there is so much to talk about. If you are a mother who came here to find the answer of, “How to become a more patient mom?” then you must be already aware of the situations where you need patience? Why do you need patience? You just know that you need patience and here we go. Just jump on the answers.
(Disclaimer: This website provides information only, and does not provide any financial, legal, medical, or psychological services or advice. None of the content on this website prevents, cures, or treats any mental or medical condition. You are responsible for your own physical, mental and emotional well-being, decisions, choices, actions, and results. The Homemaker Mama disclaims any liability for your reliance on any opinions or advice contained in this website.)
In this article:
I will provide 2 types of answers of your question about, “How to become a more patient mom?”
What do you need to do at the exact time of needing that patience? How to deal with the situation when you are having a burst of anger and wanting to yell at the child.
It’s about what to do? What changes you should make in your routine and what mind-set changes are required?
Step by step guide to deal with “MOM TANTRUM”:
These are not only kids who throw tantrums. But mothers/parents also lose their tempers. There are times when the child seems calm and happy because he/she thinks that he/she is just having fun without noticing the mess they are spreading around. But the mom, when encounters the scene, wants to bang her head in the wall or just hit anything around.
You, as a mother, want to shout or run away. But you can’t? None of us can’t.
But still, being patient is important. You know why? I know that you know. So, I’m not gonna write a page on it. Being a mom to a toddler, you know that is important but you are looking for a way to deal with the situation when you want to yell and even hit the child.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. It’s completely normal but you should find a good way to deal with your emotions and get your control back on your tongue and your hands.
So, Here is the step by step guide on how to deal with your self when you want to throw a tantrum.
Step 1- Ssshhh… Keep quite:
This is the very first thing you should do. Just keep quite. Hold your words. Whatever you are going to stay, just stop there immediately. Don’t try to flip your words in the beginning and wait for your mind to get in control.
When you are going to have a burst of anger, anything you would try to say, will turn into something harsh and you don’t want to hurt those little feelings inside your little baby’s mind.
So, stop talking and do the next step.
Step 2- Turn your back:
Turn around to move yourself a little away from the scene.
Let your mind focus on thinking instead of watching the mess around. Moving your sight away from the scene will help you become a little calmer and have your patience back.
Step 3- Close your eyes & Take a deep breathe:
Move yourself a little more away from the scene. Close your eyes and start taking deep breathes.
Breathing deeply on the spot can be called as “on the spot meditation”. Meditate yourself immediately.
A clinical psychologist, Mitch Abrams says, ” Deep breathing can help cool down your emotions when the anger overheats. Doing this can help you take off your focus from the thing that is bothering you, which can help you to de-escalate.”
Step 4- Yell in your mind, if still needed:
If you think that you still need some more patience, you still want to yell? You are still angry? Try yelling in your mind. Say whatever you want to, but say it to yourself.
Keep your eyes closed, and imagine that you are yelling on the baby.
Usually mothers feel bad immediately after yelling on kids, they drown in guild within seconds.
Why not try it in imagination? Imagine you are yelling and saying harsh words to your child.
You will immediately feel bad about your words but you will be thankful that it was not real.
Step 5- Count to 10:
I’m pretty much sure that you will be feeling much better, but why not to do it for a few more seconds.
Just a few seconds. Count to 10 in your mind, Just like counting works for babies, it can also work for adults.
Count to 10 and you are done.
By this time, you will have your patience back. A lot of it back!
Step 6- Turn to the baby and look into the baby’s eyes:
Hit yourself with your weakness. yes! The eyes of the child are the weakness of the parents. Interesting? Try it now. Look into your baby’s eyes, you will immediately have a strong Meltdown.
Step 7- Try whispering:
Even though, you have had your patience back but you should try whispering. Talking to the child in a very low volume.
Most possibly, the child will also answer into “whisper”.
This is the case, when the child is not throwing a tantrum, he/she is just messing around or not listening to your instruction. This is only you who needs to be controlled.
But just in case you also need to work on your child’s tantrum too.
Step 8- Ask the child to help you:
Now that you have gained your patience back but it doesn’t mean that you have to let the child keep spreading the mess.
Talk to the child and ask him/her to help you to correct the things again. Whatever they have done, let the child know that it was wrong and get him/her helping you.
Step 9- Don’t forget to reward yourself:
You have controlled yourself and dealt with the situation in a very good way. This is not easy, especially when a person has to deal with his/her own emotions. You did it and you deserve a reward.
I read somewhere to keep a reward jar, add a coin in your reward jar every time you gave the best performance, and reward yourself with something you like when the jar fills out.
Remember, don’t start eating candies as rewards, you’ll have to repeat this process several times a day, and rewarding yourself with a candy every time, can make you gain weight.
How to become a more patient mom, in general:
Now that you have learned about what to do on the spot when you get a burst of anger, but why not reducing these anger bursts?
It could be better that you don’t even have to deal with your own emotions.
Reason and Solution:
“The main idea of this post goes into the paragraph below.”
Why does a mom lose her temper? Why it is so difficult to become a more patient person when you become a mom?
“The reason is the Mess & Stress inside the brain”. Always worrying about the shortage of time and overburden of work. How to manage time for other chores, when the most part of your daily routine goes into taking care of the tantrums and messes spread by the kids.
So, in this article, I will talk about factors that can help you deal with this “Mess & Stress” of the brain, more efficiently and thus improve your stamina and level of patience.
There are so many ways and tips that you can follow to become a more patient mom. and here they are:
- Controlling diet
- Reducing screen time
- Stop comparing
- stop overburdening
- Ask for help
- Know when to say “No”
- Get enough sleep
- Listen to favorite music
- Stay in touch with friends
- Training the child
- Setting schedule
- Setting realistic expectations
- Learn parenting
- Writing to-do list
- Save time on mobile
- Keep track of your monthly cycle
- Make your self accountable
Improving Brain Power
Below are the most important factors to improve the patience level, not only for moms but for everyone in general.
A more powerful brain will be able to deal with the stress much more effectively and thus it can improve the level of patience.
Exercise is the most important and worthy thing for everyone to improve brainpower, staying more active & happy, and improving the patience level. This is the best thing a mom can do to improve her overall patience level.
Working out will also make your body more active and energetic throughout the day, resulting in less fatigue and improvement in efficiency.
You don’t need to join a gym in order to keep your body moving. Read the following article to get ideas about how to work out from home and how to manage time more efficiently.
2- Meditation and Mind-fullness:
Meditation is the ultimate solution to improve the level of patience. It is proved by researchers, that deep breathing is beneficial for reducing stress and anxiety.
By practicing meditation daily, you can become more focused and relaxed while doing your chores. For example, most people eat so fast because it is their habit to do everything faster. But meditation trains a person to move slowly and with focus. A person who meditates daily will be eating much slowly as compared to an average person, which is a good thing.
Thus, it helps in improving the level of patience. When you will be wanting to throw a tantrum, you will naturally slow down, because you are used to it. It means more time is there for you to focus on what’s going on and you will become much more patient.
So many supplements are there that actually help in improving the brainpower and level of patience.
Omega 3 Fish oil:
Omega 3 fish oil promotes healthier brain functioning and improves brainpower. It helps in reducing stress and anxiety so makes you a much more patient person than before.
I have tried this myself. Chamomile is a daisy-like flower/herb. This is known for its so many health benefits. It has been used in preparing several herbal medicines and teas for centuries. I use this in the form of homeopathic medicine. My father-in-law, who is a homeopathic doctor, suggested this for my daughter when she was teething. I found it really good for improving her mood and then I tried it by myself. It really helped my anxiety and improving my mood.
Get your Chamomile Herbal tea here.
(Tip: You can use this chamomile tea to reduce the anxiety and depression of PMS, I use it too and it really helps.)
4- Diet Control:
Add more green vegetables and nuts, especially almonds and walnuts to your diet. Fatty fish and berries are also known for improving brainpower.
Sugar, processed carbs, aspartame, alcohol, and foods high in trans fat are really bad for brainpower.
The more your brain will be powerful, the more you will have control over your patience level. You are made up of what you eat, so make better choices. Keep your diet in control and become a more patient mom.
Praying is another kind of meditation. Just like connecting with your own body improves the level of patience, similarly connecting with God is also something that makes our brains more focused and hopeful.
Just 5-10 minutes of Power Pray is all you need to improve your level of patience and become more positive.
6- Reduce Screen time:
Screen time plays a very important role in our brain lives. Yes! there are so many benefits of this technology but time spent in front of the screen messes up with the brain.
Just make sure to reduce your time spent in front of the screen as much as possible. Don’t spend a lot of time watching useless videos on YouTube or scrolling through FaceBook.
Read a book instead.
You will feel a visible difference just in one day of reducing your screen time. You will become a much more patient mom.
Take Care of Yourself
Most mothers stop taking care of their own selves. If they do, they start feeling guilty. It is the worst thing a mother can do. Because taking care of your own self is a very important part of your parenting. If you won’t be healthy and happy enough, you won’t be able to take care of the child, just the way she needs. Follow the following tips to take better care of yourself and become a better and more patient mom.
1- Stop Comparing Past & Present:
A most common mistake, new moms make is that they start comparing their past and present. “When I was not a mother, I used to enjoy weekends.” “Before having a baby, I used to do this and that”. Remember, you are blessed with a baby, and this blessing is more important than the blessing of “independence”.
There is no comparison in your past and present, so there is no point in getting upset because of this.
Try to find new ways of enjoying life. Your babies are your new friends. Have a fun life with them
2- DonÃ¢â‚¬t Overburden Yourself:
There are so many responsibilities of a new mother. So many things to take care of!
Try not to overburden yourself. Reduce your workload as much as possible. Make a priority list and let go of some of the chores, which are not that necessary.
3- Ask for help:
There is no harm in asking for help when you need it. You can ask the father of the kids to take care of them for some time so you can have some me-time. Or you can drop the kids at grandparents, if possible, for a few hours.
If it is possible for you, don’t hesitate to get a house helper, who can do a few of your chores, like cleaning or dishwashing.
4- Know when to say “No”:
You have the complete right to refuse to attend a party if you don’t want to go.
Just know when to say “No”. Skip some of the events, when your kids are little. Skip if you feel like this will be a burden on you.
Attending an event with the kids is not easy. At least, for me, it isn’t.
So, when you want to say “No”, just say it.
5- Get enough sleep:
No need to become a “sleep-deprived” person, just to keep the home clean and organized all the time. You also need enough sleep to function properly.
Make a schedule and go to sleep at the same time every day, so you can save time. How? When you will go to sleep at the same time every day then you will fall asleep immediately after placing your head on the pillow. The time you would spend laying down with closed eyes, waiting for your brain to shut down, that time will be saved and you will have better sleep.
Don’t use any screen before going to bed, so your sleep quality is not sacrificed.
Sleep train your children, so you can have more time getting your own brain relaxation.
6- Listen to your favorite music:
Listening to your favorite music will bring some life to your thinking. Enjoy some time with your favorite music, so you have less feeling of being alone.
It’s the most affordable and less time-consuming entertainment for parents, especially mothers. You will not have to spend any money and you don’t have to go anywhere to enjoy yourself.
You can just turn on your favorite music while cooking in the kitchen. No worries!
7- Stay in-touch with your friends:
Stay in touch with friends you love. Visit them occasionally, whenever possible.
You can also stay in touch on mobile. Make WhatsApp groups and enjoy the company of your favorite friends.
Training and Scheduling
Here training means “Child Training” and scheduling means “the act of organizing tasks and habits.”
You must be wondering how Training and scheduling work to improve the mom’s patience.
When you will train the child to do his/her own tasks then you will have to face fewer messes and fewer tantrums and scheduling the tasks will help you stay more organized. And organization helps you in every matter of life, for sure.
1- Training the Child:
Training a child is the most important thing to make your life easier.
Train him/her to do some tasks on his/her own. Just like keeping the room organized, throwing the wrappers in the dustbin, and talking their clothes to the laundry. A 2-3-year-old child can easily do these tasks. You just have to train him/her.
2- Set schedule:
Make a proper routine. There should be proper timing for everything. When you will set a fixed schedule, it will be easier for you to focus on every task and you will be much more patient with your kids because you will have less mess in your mind.
Setting a schedule will also help the children to stay more organized and eventually you will face fewer incidents of tantrums.
3- Set realistic expectations / Understand the child:
Setting realistic expectations is a road to becoming a more patient mom. You need to understand the child. You need to know, what the child wants.
Try to understand that this little human is not familiar with this world. He/she is just exploring the world.
Every child wants to be independent, just like every adult on the earth. No one likes to be ruled. These little humans also have wants and needs.
They are more frustrated than the parents because they have much more energy and almost nothing special to do. They want to consume their energy and explore the world just the way they want.
The kids don’t do things to annoy you, most of the time this statement is true. They just need to explore so many things and want to have so much fun.
Understanding the child and setting realistic expectations will help you a lot in becoming a more patient mom by reducing your stress level and making you ready for such situations, where you need patience.
4- Read books on parenting:
There are so many books written on successful and positive parenting, and that’s for a reason.
How reading books can help you become a more patient mom?
By making you able to handle kids more efficiently. Learning more techniques and finding easy ways of parenting, you can then handle the kids without losing your temper.
By learning about how kids’ brains work and how to take them in control, you will be able to deal with the situations more effectively thus maintaining your level of patience.
Check this article to get some great suggestions for parenting books.
Improve Productivity and Efficiency
Most of the time, mothers lose patience because of the mess created in their minds. You, as a mom, have to do a lot of things and of course, a lot of time is needed for that. But when children start increasing the workload and start demanding more time to do their tasks, moms lose temper. You can’t spend a whole day, telling the children what to do, and organizing the mess created by them.
So saving time and managing the tasks more efficiently will save the sanity out of you.
Save more time, save your patience.
By managing things and tasks more efficiently, you will start having more control over your brain and the level of your patience. Plan and track the activities and tasks. Increase your productivity so you can reduce the mess in your brain and increase your focus. Have more control over the mind and thus start improving the level of your “mom patience.”
1- Write a To-Do list:
Writing a to-do list was the best thing I did to myself. It has increased the level of efficiency and productivity for me.
Writing a daily plan will give your daily activities a boost and you will be able to stay more organized. Just remember to keep your to-do list within your sight so you can keep a track of the goals you have achieved, and what to do next.
2- Prefer phone calls over text messages:
This is one of the common mistakes most people make, that they think that they will save more time if they will use the way of texting rather than phone calls. Always prefer phone calls over text messages. It saves a ton of time and reduces the time spent on the screen.
The more you will text, the more time you will spend using the screen. And as I said before, screen time messes up the functioning of the brain and reduces brainpower. Less brainpower means less control over temper.
3- Keep track of your monthly cycle:
If you are a woman, reading this, you must know this. At around the end of the monthly cycle, women used to start having depression or anxiety, which is a symptom of PMS.
At this stage of the cycle, You should take a lot of care of yourself. Exercise more, drink more water, meditate and take your diet in control.
Whenever, during these days, you feel like you are losing your temper, acknowledge that it might not be the baby who is the cause of this “mom temper tantrum”, it must be your cycle days. By knowing the cause, it usually becomes easier to control the emotions.
Accountability & Reward
Make yourself accountable. Make a diary for yourself and write down when you controlled yourself and maintained your patience and don’t forget to reward yourself for every success. This is a great way to take your brain in control.
You can also find yourself an accountability partner.
Listen, You, as a mom, are the most important human being on earth for your children. Do anything to take your brain in your control and enjoy the fun life of children, enjoy every moment so you don’t regret when these little monsters will grow up and move away from you.
Best of luck! Mommy!